Gunaikos: The Beauty of a Woman

To Jackson my son, with all my love:

I pen this second letter to you on the topic of the beauty of a woman. Much confusion, and I dare say even deceit exists in this area, so with the Lord’s enabling I with great purpose and fervency believe it necessary to clarify and instruct you in this matter. Certainly this is not something novel, poets and authors alike have attempted to differentiate between these areas and I cite as a simple example Tolstoy’s line from his  Kruetzer Sonata, “It is amazing how complete is the delusion that beauty is goodness. A handsome woman talks nonsense, you listen and hear not nonsense but cleverness. She says and does horrid things, and you see only charm. And if a handsome woman does not say stupid or horrid things, you at once persuade yourself that she is wonderfully clever and moral.”

One of my purposes is to demarcate between outer beauty (comeliness) and inner beauty (virtue). I do believe a great difference exists, and you will be sensible to understand and furthermore acknowledge the difference. Both have their purposes and both can be visible, though virtue, being not as opaque, will require patience and wisdom to observe.  In analogy to a house, say a buyer has interest  because of curb appeal or pictures taken with special lighting , though when he tours the house he is unpleasantly surprised by the water, termite or structural damage. But it looked so pleasant from the road and from the pictures says he, but inside he was unaware it was full of dead men’s bones. The prudent buyer sees the damage and jettisons, but the flippant buyer focuses only on the pictures or the fact it shows the best in the neighborhood and without even obtaining an inspection he proclaims it suitable, only to terminate him in financial sorrow. Thus, it is vital to observe and to note, for your decision will determine many outcomes.

The comeliness of a woman, that is her physical nature, has a powerful effect. Because God has fashioned men as visually oriented, much goodness can be accomplished when ordained by a Sovereign God. Esther’s glamour resulted in an audience with a king and subsequently the deliverance of her people. Direction toward God, however, seems to be rare. Too often comeliness is used manipulatively for attention and gain; we recognize this in the virulent strange woman in Proverbs. In History, did not Pericles destroy the Samnians because of a prostitute’s resentment and a thousand ships embark for Troy because of Helen? Did Delilah learn Samson’s strength through genuine love or through subtlety, and lest we believe it pertains exclusively to the unmarried, did not Jezebel manipulate Ahab to exploit his subject? We would be well deceived to conclude the Serpent is not conscience of this weakness, for many strong men have fallen by his sensual craft.

Then, what is comeliness? I have noticed a fascinating connection to what mankind in general exalts as ascetically pleasing. Is it plausible cultures disseminated across the many epochs deem beauty based upon what is difficult to attain? For example, in an impoverished nation like India, much jewelry determines beauty. Again, in Europe during the Middle Ages being overweight was considered comely because of scarcity of food and conversely in present-day America because of plentiful substance, those near the point of emaciation are acclaimed as the greatest. I find this trend peculiar and cannot but wonder whether society does not claim beauty from selfish desires. However, when we read God’s Word those who are considered “fair” are never described in detail. It is true God refined the dust a second time when he created Eve, but he places the priority on the internal. The LORD sees not as man sees; for man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart. This leads to the most important beauty of all, a woman’s virtue. Be wary of just your attraction to the external, though this the ingredient of initial attraction, it is more important to fall in love with a woman’s virtue.

I have always believed time and circumstance to be crucibles where either virtue is established or deceitfulness uncovered. My son, how does she respond to others? Does she honor her parents or guardians or does she cruelly misspeak of them in your presence? Does she show compassion for the needy as Abigail showed sympathy for David or with disdain ignores the pleas of Lazarus? Regard not her flatteries nor give consent to her mercurial attitude, for in turn when her displeasure arrives, you too will be regarded with disdain. This is not so with the virtuous. The inner working of salvation have produced a new creature so when moral dilemmas arise or arduous circumstances appear, she becomes the better. As a star is more clearly seen in the darkness or as an arboreal dormancy produces autumnal hues, so it is with her when shadows linger.

I recommend therefore much counsel and thoughtful conversation with those she is the closest, and in our modern age of technology her most recent social activity. If it is sagacious for a prospective employer to assess in this fashion, how much more a prospective husband? On another note, if your life has been relegated to a structured environment, like college, that together you also associate also outside of this environment. If you are not careful, it can act as a façade, hiding the true temperament and character of a person in a world where decisions are made for you and daily duties are expected.

In closing, when both comeliness and virtue are fused together in the Person of Christ, they produce a benevolent creature whose radiance is as noon day and whose fragrance lovingly fills a room. As you continue your life with this person and age, you will observe her external features fading, but her beauty increases because it is stimulated from a genuine heart. In other words, as God stated a couple of millennia ago, “Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.”

This is the thought Edmund Spenser wanted to express in his poem, A Hymn in Honor of Beauty.

“Why do not then the blossoms of the field,
Which are array'd with much more orient hue,
And to the sense most dainty odours yield,
Work like impression in the looker's view?
Or why do not fair pictures like power shew,
In which oft-times we nature see of art
Excell'd, in perfect limning every part?

But ah, believe me, there is more than so,
That works such wonders in the minds of men;
I, that have often prov'd, too well it know,
And whoso list the like assays to ken,
Shall find by trial, and confess it then,
That beauty is not, as fond men misdeem,
An outward shew of things, that only seem.

For that same goodly hue of white and red,
With which the cheeks are sprinkled, shall decay,
And those sweet rosy leaves, so fairly spread
Upon the lips, shall fade and fall away
To that they were, even to corrupted clay;
That golden wire, those sparkling stars so bright,
Shall turn to dust; and lose their goodly light.

But that fair lamp, from whose celestial ray
That light proceeds, which kindleth lovers' fire,
Shall never be extinguish'd nor decay;”